Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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