you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need moral support for this bender
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
