Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
