I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize