If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
