I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize