he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I love you.
Bad choice
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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