apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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