We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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