I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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