so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
