I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Still dying that you shit outside
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
