Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize