Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
