I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
