I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
