I can text with my tongue
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
