i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
