fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
