Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
