Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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