so explain again why im purple
no
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize