the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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