i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
