So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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