Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
