Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've blown a few things in my day
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
