It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
