Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
