omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize