Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
