Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
