I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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