WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
