meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
