i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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