i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
