i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
