I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
