Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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