And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
