And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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