This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nutella sex= disaster
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
