p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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