I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
