I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
