your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
