I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
