There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
