:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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