***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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