It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
