why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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