One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize