nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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