They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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