Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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