The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
