You smell like stripper and shame
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My pussy is not your playground.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
