And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize