I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize