Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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