im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
