No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
