Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
