So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
