when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
