i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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