He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
