i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize