I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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