Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
