Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
