I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
