Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
